[Mini] Unlearning, Body Scanning, Compassion & Self-Talk | Ep. 78

This episode emphasizes the importance of unlearning childhood lessons about sex and body image while cultivating compassion for ourselves. Bridget shares insights from her conversation with Laura Federico, exploring themes of curiosity, self-dialogue, connection with the body, and useful resources for deeper understanding.

• Unlearning misconceptions about sex and body image 
• Importance of compassion in self-talk 
• Questioning the validity of negative thoughts 
• Body scans as a tool for reconnection 
• Resources for sexual health and body scans  
• Exploring the emotional side of hormones and desire

Resources referenced in episode:
- Dr. Lori Brotto and her book, "Better Sex Through Mindfulness"
- The book "Come As You Are" by Emily Nagoski

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Morgan's website - morganmillermidwifery.com

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 1:15

Hey guys, welcome to this week's mini episode of I'm Hormonal. I'm your host, bridget Walton, and today I have with me a special but silent little guest, betty, my cat, who absolutely will not leave my desk, so I hope you guys can feel Betty's good vibes in the background here. On the earlier episode this week, I had a conversation with Laura Federico, who is an ASEC certified sex and relationship therapist. She's a psychotherapist. I think you're really going to love that episode if you haven't listened to it already. But that's what I'm just going to touch on today in this mini episode, and I really just want to talk through what are my main takeaways, what were the things that kind of left an impression on me and some of the resources that we talked about?

Speaker 1: 2:04

One of the topics that we started off talking through was how, when it comes to sex, we have to unlearn a lot of the stuff that we learned as a kid, because or if you were like me, you know I don't really remember how I even learned about sex, and I think this has a lot of parallels with what we know or how we were taught about our menstrual cycles. Maybe it was taught to us that, like this is a gross thing that we shouldn't talk about, or maybe nobody really said anything at all. And now, now that we are, however old you are, maybe you're in your 20s or your 30s and you're realizing, oh, I don't have to look at my cycle that way, or I don't have to look at sex the same way that I used to, because I can learn to look at it in a way that better serves me, and I think that's a really lovely well, lovely doesn't feel like the right word for that but that's a really great opportunity to get to know yourself better and get to know your body better. The word that came to me several times, throughout our conversation too, was compassion, because in all of these sensitive topics that you're journeying through, being able to be compassionate towards yourself and be curious and really take what is and not judge it, but just say, okay, it's okay that I'm not the same every day, it's okay that I don't have the same level of desire every day. I'm a human and that's normal, that's not a problem, that's not a bad thing, and so reflecting just this self-love and having the way that you talk to yourself is so important. The things that you are telling yourself, the stories that you're telling yourself.

Speaker 1: 4:03

And Laura said something that was so interesting. I would love I mean, I will certainly practice this myself, would love to hear what you all think about it too, as you practice it. But she mentioned this how beneficial it can be to really question and interrogate why we have the thoughts especially like negative thoughts that we have about ourselves sometimes. And so this came up when we were talking about body image. In some cases too, like sometimes when you look in the mirror and you have a thought about what you see in your reflection, is what you're telling yourself even true? Like can you have this conversation, this dialogue with yourself to say where did I come up with this idea? From, like, who I'm doing air quotes over here? Who taught me that this thought or this thing is a fact and this is how it should be? I hope that this makes sense, because I guess I'm not giving a whole ton of examples yet, am I? But between how this pertains to sex and the way that you view your relationship to sex, I just think there's so many parallels with the way that you view your body, because it's all intertwined, and to include your menstrual cycle. If that piques your interest, definitely go back to the longer episode. Laura says it so much better than I can.

Speaker 1: 5:32

A tool that she mentioned is body scans, and this is something that anybody can do. And why would you want to do a body scan? Well, if you are looking to connect more with your body and feel like you are more in your body, then a body scan is a great tool. Maybe if you have used a meditation app before, like a guided meditation, then this will be familiar to you, because sometimes they'll walk you through. Or the way that Laura encourages folks to go through the body scan is from toes to the crown of your head and from left to right side. So thinking, okay, how does my, how do my left toes feel, how do my right toes feel? And just noticing, do they feel tingly, do they feel cold, do they feel hot, does it hurt a little bit Like does my foot hurt, or whatever it is. And working your way up from foot to foot, ankle to ankle, calf to calf, knee to knee, all the way up where we go, shoulder to foot, ankle to ankle, calf to calf, knee to knee, all the way up where we go shoulder to shoulder, neck and through the crown of your head to just bring it back and connect to yourself.

Speaker 1: 6:49

Laura talks about how a lot of the times after going through an event that can be traumatic you know that's a really you're more likely to disconnect from your body as really a survival mechanism at that point, and so that sort of dissociation, disconnection, can be beneficial for a time. But being able to recognize that and start to foster that connection again also certainly helps, has benefits to it and really helping you to feel grounded and being with yourself again. She mentioned a couple of resources after the episode actually that I wanted to make sure you guys have and they're linked in the show notes. You can check out Dr Lori Brotto. She has a book and a workbook that are really good resources and her book is called Better Sex Through Mindfulness. So check out what she's got or you can find her on a lot of podcasts if you want to listen, but she can walk you through like a guided meditation and again that kind of connecting with your body.

Speaker 1: 8:05

The second of three resources that I want to mention is the book Come as you Are by Emily Nagoski. This is a book I read a couple years ago that I thought really helped me learn a lot about myself and understand what are the things that I like and don't like, and it's just a good partner Maybe if, well, freudian slip, it's a good book, maybe to read with your partner, if that's something you're feeling up for, to have that conversation with each other about, well, what you guys are doing together. Now, the last book that I'll mention and maybe you've heard this one before is the Cycle Book, which is a book that Laura authored and that is coming out next week actually, so you can pre-order it now. If you listened to last week's episode, you'll hear my conversation with her and with Morgan, who is the co-author, where we talk all about the Cycle Book, but you can again go to that to pre-order and buy at thecyclebookcom, and you can also connect with them on Instagram at thecyclebook. Last but not least, if you want to connect more with Laura from here, then you can check out her website, laurafedericotherapycom.

Speaker 1: 9:21

Thanks so much for listening to this mini episode. I hope this was interesting to you, and this is certainly a slightly different topic than what I normally cover on the podcast. I thought it was really important to cover, though, because, of course, our hormones can impact what we think or feel or how we experience desire and sex and that sort of connection, and so I just thought this would be a really good opportunity to say okay, hormones adjacent, what's going on and how can we understand things better from the emotional side of the equation. That is it for today, but thank you so much for listening. I'm really grateful for you sticking around and supporting, rating and reviewing the podcast. Or if you have a friend who you think would find this interesting, you want to have a conversation on a deeper level about this, then wouldn't you be so sweet and kind as to share this episode with them Now? Thank you again. I'm Bridget Walton and I will see you on the next one.